So... tell us a joke!

[ldopas]

Ok I nicked some of these but here goes;

Joke 1 -

Man sees his next door neighbours little girl digging a hole.

Man: "What are you doing there sweetheart"
Little Girl: "Digging a hole to bury my pet goldfish"
Man: "Aw that's sad, but why are you digging such a big hole!?
Little Girl: "Because its inside your ******* cat"!

Joke 2 -
What happens when you remove the shell of a snail?
It just gets a lot more sluggish!

Joke 3 -
I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes.
I turned to the local tribesman and said "That lizards really funny!"
The tribesman replied "That's not a lizard.......... he's a stand up chameleon."

Joke 4 -
5 ants rented an apartment with another 5 ants, now they're tenants

Ok, ok I think Peter Kay is safe!!!!!! 

[Winterwulf]

That first one reminds me of a favourite of mine -

A little girl skips into a pet shop and asks the owner "Hello mister, do you sell little fluffy bunny wabbits?"
The owner, with heart melting, says "Of course, would you like a little brown rabbit, a little black rabbit, or a little white rabbit"
The little girl replied "I dont fink my pyfon gives a **** what colour they are!"

[Winterwulf]

If it hasn't been posted here before, I could add the Really Bad Christmas Joke that Rev Hammer came out with at a Red Sky Coven gig I was at many moons ago...

[Master Ray]

OK, this one is a bit evil...

Do you know that Catholics have something called a 'reverse exorcism'?

It's when the Devil tells the priest to get out of the child...

(look, I utterly hate organized religion, especially Catholicism, so I think an angry joke is valid...  )

[Master Ray]

Sad news, my girlfriend just dumped me.  She got upset when I told her she hade no sense of direction.

She was so upset that she packed her bags and right.

[Master Ray]

Last night I played Poker with Tarot cards.

I got a full house and four people died.

[ldopas]

Very good MR!

Ok........... They dont show The Flintstones in Saudi Arabia...........but Abu Dhabi do!

[Winterwulf]

As mentioned above, a bad Christmas joke courtesy of Rev Hammer...

In a galaxy far, far away it's Christmas Eve and Darth Vader is battling it out with Luke Skywalker.
<make your own light sabre noises here>
They break off for a moment and Vader says "Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas!"
Luke just looks puzzled, then attacks again.
<more light sabre noises>
At the next pause, Vader says again "Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas!".
Luke says "no you don't" and swings back into battle.
<yet more light sabre noises>
For a third time, Vader says "Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas!"
This time Luke says, "all right smartarse, how come you know what I'm getting for Christmas?"
"Luke," says Vader "I have felt your presents"

[cthulhu]

As mentioned above, a bad Christmas joke courtesy of Rev Hammer...

In a galaxy far, far away it's Christmas Eve and Darth Vader is battling it out with Luke Skywalker.
<make your own light sabre noises here>
They break off for a moment and Vader says "Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas!"
Luke just looks puzzled, then attacks again.
<more light sabre noises>
At the next pause, Vader says again "Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas!".
Luke says "no you don't" and swings back into battle.
<yet more light sabre noises>
For a third time, Vader says "Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas!"
This time Luke says, "all right smartarse, how come you know what I'm getting for Christmas?"
"Luke," says Vader "I have felt your presents"

[Winterwulf]

Another bad Christmas joke...

What do you call an obese messiah?

Christ the Lard.