Amandistan, my friend...
None of us want to turn our backs on anyone who is in pain. Truly, we don't.
But you keep posting these desperately sad messages. I don't think anyone here is a trained psychologist / counsellor / medical professional. We will do all we can with our responses. But there has to come a point where we have to ask... if you're really feeling that dreadful, what are YOU doing about it?

If you have physical pain, you would get it sorted out. If you have mental or emotional pain then, yes, there are avenues that you can investigate to make you feel better. You're an intelligent person, I don't have to fill in the blanks.
Yeah, doing the 'tough love' thing again. But I think you need it. You always have 'us' but there's a limit to what we can do.
Post back whenever you want, but please, for goodness sake, be aware of our limitations. It isn't fair on yourself or the rest of us.
For what little it's worth, big internet hug coming your way.