So... tell us a joke!

[Rusco]

My life. Now that's the biggest joke I know!

[Master Ray]

Seeing as it's Christmas, an oldie but goodie...

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?

He sold his soul to Santa.

[Master Ray]

Santa - 'So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?'

Little Boy - 'I'd like a big dragon!'

Santa - 'I'm sorry, but that's impossible... would you like something LESS impossible?'

Little Boy - 'OK... I'd like for Liverpool to win the Premiership!'

Santa - (long pause) '... and what colour dragon would you like?'

[Shush]

M/R, for a football hater, that's quite good 

[Master Ray]

So sad today.  My mate Gavin passed away after an accidental overdose of indigestion medicine.

I can't believe Gaviscon.

 

[Master Ray]

What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don't know and I don't care.

(C'mon, I'm gonna keep posting this crap until someone comes up with something better...  )

[eastmidswhizzkid]

A man works in a pickle factory for 30+ years and overtime develops an overwhelming urge to stick his prick in the pickle-slicer. realising this could go down badly with the management and have dire consequences for himself, he confides in his boss who tells him in no uncertain terms that if he sticks his prick in the pickle-slicer he will be fired.
one day the man arrives home early from work. when questioned by his wife as to his early home-coming the man tells her "i'm sorry darling. i gave in to my urge, stuck my prick in the pickle-slicer and got fired." his wife quickly whips his trousers down and says " your prick's ok -what about the pickle-slicer?" to which the man replies.....




...."she got fired too!"

[Master Ray]

Oh, you'll fit in just fine here, eastmidswhizzkid... 

[Master Ray]

When my wife left, I was confused and upset and lonely...

So I bought a motorcycle, shagged two women, got a cool huge tattoo and spent hundreds of £££s on drink and drugs...

I don't think she'll be very happy when she gets back from work.

[Sheena]

An English cat, named One Two Three and a French cat, named Un Deux Trois, decided to have a swimming race across the Channel. The English cat won because Un Deux Trois cat sank.

[Sheena]

A police officer on traffic duty flags down a car.
“Sir, you appear to have 12 penguins in the back of your car.”
“That’s right, officer, I do.”
“Well that’s ridiculous – take them to the zoo straight away.”
“OK officer.”
And the car drives off.
Next day, the same policeman in the same spot sees the same car drive past – with the penguins in the back. He flags him down again.
“I thought I told you to take them to the zoo…”
“Yes, officer, and it was great – today I’m taking them to the cinema.”

[Sheena]

Two dogs are walking along a street. They are passed by a third dog driving a lorry load of logs.
One turns to the other and says: “He started fetching a stick and built up the business from there.”

[Rusco]

I admit I didn't understand the cat joke. But anyway Sheena, yea I've had funny times reading them.

[Master Ray]

I admit I didn't understand the cat joke. But anyway Sheena, yea I've had funny times reading them.

An English cat, named One Two Three and a French cat, named Un Deux Trois, decided to have a swimming race across the Channel. The English cat won because Un Deux Trois cat sank.

It sounds like 'un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq' which is 'one, two, three, four, five' in French...

Anyway, I've thought up a new way to make some money... I'm going to start selling John Lennon memorabilia via E-Bay.

Imagine all the PayPal.

[Pol]

Hope the memorabilia selling is better than your jokes lol