Christmas Alone.The Mask's we wear.

[sparks68uk]

 For the first time in nearly ten years I will not be spending Christmas Alone. I have been invited and accepted an invitation from friends to join them in their celebrations.I have turned down invites in previous years  not wanting to encroach on others family time as it tends to be. Its been a  time of year I have dreaded for a long time now. I am not particularly religious ( Though I was  brought up Methodist Christian)  I attended Chapel as a child  ,Sunday school until I started playing football on Sunday mornings for my Cub Scout Team ,aged 9 "ish". I still hold the basic values and morality  installed  as a child from those Sunday morning Sunday School days way back when ,but now as an adult do not practice any faith .
  Christian or not,of Faith or not there is no escaping Christmas. I have spent many years  over the holiday period trying my best to ignore it. When self employed I have worked Christmas Day ,Boxing day etc in an attempt to avoid it and distract myself from my lack of family and partner. But as any other day whilst working have had the radio playing for company as I worked by myself in a workshop .Christmas songs,Christmas good wishes being announced from friend to friend,family member to family member  and sentiment bombarding you all day long,reminding you of your solitude and lack of partner and or family.
    I have also spent time at home alone trying to deny Christmas.No decorations,no Christmas tree etc etc. Ive not bought Christmas cake or Christmas pudding,no mince pies and definitely no Turkey ! whats with Turkey anyway ? FFS its awful meat  you buy it at Christmas "Just because" I guarantee at no time in the year  would you "treat" yourself to Turkey ,its FOWL , Lamb maybe a treat,a nice steak but Turkey ,never ever would you ! If it were that nice McDonald's and Burger King would be selling Turkey Burgers as many steak houses there are would be matched by Turkey Houses !!!
So I've sat there alone "Not Doing Christmas" just me and the TV ,trying to ignore it and avoid it . You cannot ,Fact ! TV shows feel good and family shows ,Films with Family's ,lovers etc all having such a great time,it's warm n fuzzy and all so "Feel Good"  and romantic too .Unless of course you are sat home alone with no other choice. Yes invites have been made and turned down,to be part of someone else's family Christmas or coupley Christmas .However good those friends are that invite you to share ,you feel awkward and imposing ,out of place  and or you feel worse for having no one close to share with of your own...
  Christmas Alone is Shit ! It does'nt matter what sex you are,what sex you want to be or whether you are Bi,Homosexual ,Binary non Binary fluid or not or any other permeation I have missed out  , alone is alone and at Christmas it is multiplied ; you can actually feel like the only single living person on the planet ,it can be so VERY DARK !.
  Me this year I have had an invite  for Christmas and won't be alone ,first time in 9 years I think maybe 10 or 11,I don't count. I have been asked/invited to peoples Christmas gatherings over the years, made my excuses and declined,not wanting to encroach on people,not wanting to feel I am receiving charity and also if I am honest and worst of all,maybe worse than sitting alone :sitting watching a loving family and their children enjoying themselves,laughing,smiling,hugging,kissing sharing their love ,  but worst of all reminding me of what I do not have.
  So just a thought to all,come Christmas there are many various and obvious people that have a bad time of it .The Homeless,the Old,those in Hospital and ill/unwell .But don't forget that mate, the one that is single,no family but maybe has a cat or dog.You know they live alone,you invited them round,half heartedly or not ,however close you think you are to them,how ever long you have known them to be single and however casually they decline saying "Christmas is no biggy"  Thanks  for the invite but ....   Don't totally forget them over the holiday and a text saying "Happy Christmas" is'nt really cutting it ,give em a call ,try re inviting them boxing day or Christmas day evening ,don't just assume because they have been alone for years ,have no family,no partner and they have refused an invite  they are as they say "No its ok ,thanks,I'm used to being alone"  People don't always say what they mean ,just in case you did'nt suss that out  yet ...

 Seasons greetings to all, whatever you do I hope its a good one!


   
 

[jc]

Thank you for sharing Sparks, families are not always what they seem, wishing you all the best.

Cheers

jc

[Stephanie]

Family, for us, has always been more than flesh and blood - so having friends around for Christmas is normal...but you made a very important point there, Sparks, about how it can be very difficult as such a friend to accept an invitation when you know that "real" family will be around as well.

I do hope that this year's Christmas will be a lovely one for you - and, of course, for everyone else here on the board, may you be able to fully enjoy the holiday season, whatever you are up to.

 

[Pol]

Planning on spending a happy Xmas alone this year, not done it many times but have been there once or twice.  Just can't be bothered with the whole thing this year. 
The local Chinese takeaway is open so food sorted , don't drink , so soft drinks and tea - sorted . Got plenty of eliquid etc  - sorted. 
Don't watch normal tv anyway  - have youtube Netflix n other streaming apps , plus plenty of cds etc .
Treat it like a extra boring Sunday- pig out shut the blinds . Things back to normal next day.

[Bunny]

Just hope everyone on here gets something out of it,whether they buy into the whole thing or not. Ive volunteered to go into work on the afternoon. Ill see the little dude open his things and for me thats all that matters. I feel very un-christmassy tbh but Im lucky I have family to share it with. I get not wanting to impose on friends, its not something Ive ever done, see friends on xmas day. Just be happy everyone if you can.

[Master Ray]

I've usually spent Christmas Day alone for the last decade.  Mainly because I used to work for the NHS and I offered to work it because I don't have children and I'd let the folks with kiddies have the day off.  My parents (seeing as they weren't gonna see me) got into the habit of going away for Christmas.  That tradition has stuck even though I don't work Christmas anymore.

It doesn't bother me much.  I can't deny that (very occasionally and just for a few moments) I have a kind of melancholy flash when remembering lovely childhood memories with beloved people in them (most of whom are now dead and gone).   But it passes quickly and I feel OK. 

So, this year, it's me and my sofa and a good movie or two, some time with a good book and catching up with my old friend Mr Daniels.  Lonely?  Not really... I'm pretty sure I could guilt-trip some folks into inviting me over for dinner (I'm not a complete basket case, there ARE people out there who like me! Honest!  ) but I don't want to intrude on their Christmas!

And, Sparks, to get back to your original point, I'm perfectly happy with my solo Christmas!  But I hope you have a wonderful time, my friend, and I send my very best wishes to you and yours!

What the heck, it's the Nottingham Winter Gathering tomorrow night... that's MY Christmas Day!   

[ldopas]

For the first time in nearly ten years I will not be spending Christmas Alone.

Well good wishes to you and its good to hear you will be living it up not alone this xmas!

[ldopas]

Hello MR!

Yes you sound like a person who is happy to be alone on xmas day and that is fine!  However perhaps it is time you suffered like the rest of us and got attached to a partner this year?  What d'ya think.

PS Im not offering btw, I'm taken (some say by force)! 

[lotus]

I have no problems spending Christmas or new years eve alone, but I don`t want to spoil the family gathering or family realtionship staying at home that day with problems for the rest of the upcoming time ...
Family things aren`t easy - some living only 100 m away don`t come or phone - the youngest one coming is 31, two oldies (91), it`s a kind of a shadow over it, and not enough laughter or real talking or fun.
Now I`m at home with some beer, don`t want to think about family problems and how to solve them `til the day after tomorrow

[Bunny]

Hello MR!

Yes you sound like a person who is happy to be alone on xmas day and that is fine!  However perhaps it is time you suffered like the rest of us and got attached to a partner this year?  What d'ya think.

PS Im not offering btw, I'm taken (some say by force)! 

No-one tames the Cheshire Lothario. Not no-one!!

[Master Ray]

Hello MR!

Yes you sound like a person who is happy to be alone on xmas day and that is fine!  However perhaps it is time you suffered like the rest of us and got attached to a partner this year?  What d'ya think.

PS Im not offering btw, I'm taken (some say by force)! 

Ayup, me old mate, good to hear from you!  Ticker still working OK, I hope.

Ah, the 'being single' thing doesn't really bother me... much.  OK, I do have the occasional sore moment, but usually I'm fine with it, especially when I look at other people I know who are in really crappy relationships... wouldn't trade places with them, that's for sure.

And, hey, it's not my fault if Jenna Coleman refuses to return the efforts I make to contact her (although 'reporting me to the police and having me arrested' was a bit much, IMHO).... 

Bunny... 'The Cheshire Lothario'... that actually made me laugh out loud.  Cheers for that, mate.   

[cthulhu]

thanks sparks for expressing and sharing your personal thoughts and emotions and i hope you had or still have a good time.

this year i workes on 24th and 25th, so now its the first time i can relax.
when i was young we had always bigger family fests, with sisters and brothers of my parents, grandmas etc..i felt quite well until i thought about religion and church in a different way. trough adolescence the problems started, i rebelled, i hated to have to go to church and put on uncomfortable clothes, we didn't do that usually but suddenly i had to and i did cut out a shabby paper clip, wrote "happy christmas" with a pencil on it and put it on with scotch tape on my west. my father exploded, "you disrespectful...etc.."

and then came the times when i really couldn't stand it anymore, the atmosphere of everybody trying so hard to make it special and different but i never felt any happy spirit, just dumb following rules and for some years i wasn't at home to stay with trhe family the whole holidays. i refused. these were the times when we squatted a house and i was on the run somehow.

but that has changed and for many years now, i really love being at home and doing this. and my parents did change too. nowadays it's only about family and atmosphere, we wear what we want, we don't sing songs everybody feels uncomfortable with, we just enjoy being together.
it's about the ritual and the feeling of a continuity i guess. so when my parents decide that they want to be elswhere, like a holiday in spain or go skiing over the holidays i feel a bit disappointed like: how can they do this?;-)

this year also was a premiere for me. while working on the 24th, the mother of my son invited me to come celebrate with them and for the first time i joyned. the other years i felt that i didn't belong to that patchwork crazyness and chose to stay alone or made it home (400km distance since 3 years) but this year i thought, well i thought nothing. i didn't even had presents for them and my son, i thought i would see him later and i could get him something until then, but it was a good night and i'm glad that i did overcome my...i don't know what to put here, mybae stubborness!?

so yes, opening up is moytly a good thing..

[Master Ray]

OK, here's a massive downer, but a true story.   

Just got back for Boxing Day evening drinks with me Dad and his wife, she told me about an old work friend of hers who had a lovely Christmas Eve meal with his family (plenty of nice pictures taken), funny social media stuff taken and shared... five hours later, he went home, grabbed a shotgun (nobody has any idea how he got hold of it) and blew his brains out.

 

Honestly, I'm not making this up.  Such a sad story... and the saddest thing about it is that there have been many messages on social media saying 'we have no idea why he did that.'

Just goes to show that you have no idea of what is going on in some people heads, sometimes.  Depression is an odd thing and doesn't always present itself in an obvious fashion.  But you can have all the people in the world around you and, sometimes, it just isn't enough.

So, that's me with a fun Christmas message.   

[ldopas]

Hello MR!

Yes you sound like a person who is happy to be alone on xmas day and that is fine!  However perhaps it is time you suffered like the rest of us and got attached to a partner this year?  What d'ya think.

PS Im not offering btw, I'm taken (some say by force)! 

No-one tames the Cheshire Lothario. Not no-one!!

Cheshire lothario? Wow. Not sure about that! 

I note you edited what you put before that...I wonder if it was as flattering as "lothario"? Mmm. 

[ldopas]

Ayup, me old mate, good to hear from you!  Ticker still working OK, I hope.

Ah, the 'being single' thing doesn't really bother me... much.  OK, I do have the occasional sore moment, but usually I'm fine with it, especially when I look at other people I know who are in really crappy relationships... wouldn't trade places with them, that's for sure.

And, hey, it's not my fault if Jenna Coleman refuses to return the efforts I make to contact her (although 'reporting me to the police and having me arrested' was a bit much, IMHO).... 

Bunny... 'The Cheshire Lothario'... that actually made me laugh out loud.  Cheers for that, mate.   

Yes ticker still working, thanks for asking. If it wasn't I would be communicating from the great beyond which quite frankly would be scarey for you!!! Hope you are keeping well as well.

You could go out with Jenna Coleman, but first you have to actually ask her! Whats the worst she can say? No? Well perhaps a restraining notice......

But in the affairs of romance, the real "lothario" you need to listen to is Gene Simmons. And here is his wisdom as precised by me from his current Classic Rock interview:

He says he is an ugly man, but his confidence in everything is based on the following. There are many women you want to ask out, so go over to them and ask them out. Many will say no, but some say yes. So what is there to lose? If you don't go over to them and ask, they all say no.

I like that!