Author Topic: So... tell us a joke!  (Read 13435 times)

Sheena

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Re: So... tell us a joke!
« Reply #75 on: May 30, 2016, 04:56:11 PM »
Why did the chicken cross the playground?







To get to the other slide...
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Sheena

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Re: So... tell us a joke!
« Reply #76 on: May 30, 2016, 04:56:38 PM »
Why did the punk cross the road?





Stapled to the chicken...
There's a smear of blood red sky between the nighttime and the day

Master Ray

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Re: So... tell us a joke!
« Reply #77 on: May 30, 2016, 07:30:48 PM »
Why did the duck cross the road?

Because the chicken had a rare day off.

Sheena

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Re: So... tell us a joke!
« Reply #78 on: June 05, 2016, 08:12:11 PM »
Why did the woolly mammoth cross the road?


Because there weren't any chickens around in them days...
There's a smear of blood red sky between the nighttime and the day

Master Ray

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Re: So... tell us a joke!
« Reply #79 on: June 07, 2016, 09:58:29 PM »
Why did the chicken with Tourettes Syndrome cross the road?

Because **** YOU, that's why!

Sheena

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Re: So... tell us a joke!
« Reply #80 on: June 14, 2016, 10:20:01 PM »
Why did the chicken with Tourettes Syndrome cross the road?

Because **** YOU, that's why!

Okay, I can take a hint; no more chicken jokes...   :P
There's a smear of blood red sky between the nighttime and the day

Master Ray

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Re: So... tell us a joke!
« Reply #81 on: June 18, 2016, 11:21:49 PM »
Oh, so much has changed since my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, what a life changing experience...

My address, my phone number, the town I live in...

 ;)

MARKXE

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Re: So... tell us a joke!
« Reply #82 on: June 19, 2016, 11:44:35 AM »
Spent the day looking at a big house with period features.

She hates it when I call her that.

Master Ray

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Re: So... tell us a joke!
« Reply #83 on: June 19, 2016, 07:57:05 PM »
Spent the day looking at a big house with period features.

She hates it when I call her that.

Oh, LOVE that one!   ;D

Master Ray

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Re: So... tell us a joke!
« Reply #84 on: June 19, 2016, 09:19:20 PM »
Well done to Tim Peake after his return to Earth after months in space...

... although the colleagues who greeted him back to earth missed a trick by not all wearing very realistic monkey masks...

Viv Savage

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Re: So... tell us a joke!
« Reply #85 on: June 20, 2016, 01:02:06 PM »
Spent the day looking at a big house with period features.

She hates it when I call her that.

Oh, LOVE that one!   ;D
Obviously aside from the overtly sexist connotations you mean...

Master Ray

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Re: So... tell us a joke!
« Reply #86 on: June 20, 2016, 07:26:22 PM »
Sorry, Viv, what can I say, it was a daft joke that made me laugh... and I think there's been far worse on this thread before...?

I don't think it's terribly misogynistic, just a play on words... but I hate to cause offence, so apologies.


MARKXE

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Re: So... tell us a joke!
« Reply #87 on: June 22, 2016, 03:46:21 PM »
Sorry, Viv, what can I say, it was a daft joke that made me laugh... and I think there's been far worse on this thread before...?

I don't think it's terribly misogynistic, just a play on words... but I hate to cause offence, so apologies.



Not sure what you need to apologize for MR I posted it.
I will refrain from such jokes in the future.

Anyway.
 
A pretty little girl named Suzy was sitting on the pavement in front of her home.

Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures; in her hand was a sign announcing “FREE KITTENS.”

Suddenly a line of big cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a grinning man. “Hi there little girl, I’m the leader of the Conservative Party, David Cameron, what do you have in the basket?” he asked.

“Kittens,” little Suzy said.

“How old are they?” asked Mr Cameron.

Suzy replied, “They're so young, their eyes aren't even open yet.”

“And what kind of kittens are they?”

“They're REMAIN IN THE EU supporters,” answered Suzy with a sweet smile.

Mr Cameron was delighted, a golden opportunity beckoned.

As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens. Recognizing the perfect photo op, the three of them agreed that they should return the next day; and in front of the assembled media, have the girl talk about her discerning kittens.

So the next day, Suzy was again on the pavement with her basket of “FREE KITTENS,” when Cameron’s motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from BBC, ITV, Channels 4, Channels 5, CNN and Sky News, cameras and the audio equipment were quickly set up, then Cameron got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy.

“Hello, again,” he said, “I’d love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of kittens you're giving away.”

“Yes sir,” Suzy said. “They're BREXIT supporters.”

Taken by surprise, David Cameron stammered, “But yesterday, you told me they were REMAIN IN THE EU SUPPORTERS.”

Little Suzy smiled and said, “I know. But today, they have their eyes open.”

MARKXE

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Re: So... tell us a joke!
« Reply #88 on: June 22, 2016, 03:50:17 PM »
I thought my wife was joking when she said she wanted to go to a Monkees concert in Switzerland.

Then I saw her face..., now I'm in Geneva!


Wessexy Witch

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Re: So... tell us a joke!
« Reply #89 on: June 23, 2016, 03:41:44 PM »
I thought my wife was joking when she said she wanted to go to a Monkees concert in Switzerland.

Then I saw her face..., now I'm in Geneva!



Ha !
 :D
Whooosshhhh !!!