I am alone and very depressed. I have nobody near to talk to. My father would laugh or call me an idiot, my mother would make me feel worse. My grandfather and uncle died at this time. They were the only family members that understood me and did not treat me as I didn't belong in my family. My first Boyfriend committed suicide in January.
Now, I here my own voice telling me that i am worthless, unlovable and better off dead. I feel the urge to take damaging drugs. They will eventually kill me but i don't really care.
I have researched the best methods to end my own life but am not yet to that point. I was once at 16 but failed. The most painless way is carbon monoxide poisoning. As this happens, I isolate more people who were friends. They just don't want to deal with my misery when they have no understanding of my thoughts or past.
I am just exhausted and of feeling such intense emotions and my thoughts telling me how worthless i am.
i have nobody to talk to so sorry for burdening this forum. I am only known by username here so it feels safe.
