Moral Dilemma

[Anna Woman von NRW]

Do I post this? Don't I? Have I got an “over-blown sense of her own importance” ? I don't know but I have to ask this of someone so I thought I'd ask you.

In my last post on Scottish Independence I referenced my early working life.- I won't repeat it here, it's there on page 3 of that thread. By doing that I've opened this up because something from those days is cutting me up. I hope it's irrelevant and just my Mum's tendency to worry incessantly coming out through me but......... If it ain't?

I'm sure you'll understand if I'm a bit circumspect, vague and non-specific.

Too much of my job was filing. I'd have piles of documents to speed read, allocate to a file, record in a ledger, punch holes in and put on the stack I'd later have to physically put into the files stored in the racks and racks down the corridor. And I was given access right up to Cabinet Document level and all that entails.

So you can imagine how much I saw and read in those files right? And only whoever was doing my job would have a clue about where things were and what was in there. As far as everyone else was concerned it just all happened by magic. Point being no-one else knew what was really in those racks of files. Some knew some of it, others knew other bits but no-one else knew all of it. If you want to know where something is, ask the filing clerk that reads.

20 odd years later and some of what I read and saw is still here with me. It's been here ever since. And some of that stuff has lately become very much “of the moment” and some of these “moments” seem to have missing files.

No doubt what I remember is utterly irrelevant and nothing to do with anything at all. It's just my memory messing with my head. But what if by some insane fluke it's not and I remember files that no other bugger remembers? (Or cares to remember).

What would you do?

This isn't fiction. I genuinely don't know whether it's something or nothing. Or even if it's my place to decide which it is.

I'd welcome thoughts.

[Shush]

Did you have to sign the Official Secrets Act to do that job ?

[Master Ray]

Anna, I know what its like to have something **** with your head after many years... but its a bit difficult to give advice if we don't know how bad it was... I'm not asking for firm details, just an indication of what we might be vaguely talking about...   

[Pol]

I would say that there isn't much you can do. Ok every part of you is probably screaming do the right thing. Say you turn whistle blower 'the authorities' are going to turn round and ask where is proof " No such documents every existed"
It's only going lead you into loads of shit.
Well that's my advice its probably morally wrong but probably the best thing to do.

[Johnz]

I agree with others, difficult to give advice on. I assume you would be breaking some confidentiality clause and with the files now missing would have no proof of any wrong doing. It's also difficult to comment without more information but from what you describe it looks like you would be digging yourself a hole.

[Heno]

if you think it would make a difference then go for it. if you think you can do something about it on your own then go for it. you can't trust many with something sensational. people will try to hijack it and use it for their own purposes.

if the files are missing then perhaps you go to those who are responsible for security, not politics. i'm sure they face this all the time and have policies to deal with.

take your time to think it through. its been safe for this amount of time, a little more will do no harm.

[Anna Woman von NRW]

Thanks for taking the time to comment guys - appreciate it.

My big mouth dug a hole for me this time. I posted with the head on that thinks of this place as a table in the corner of the pub where a bunch of us sit around talking about the world, so I put this on the table. But to move the conversation on I have to say what I'm about to and that got me in a bit of a tizz worrying that a board on a band's website isn't the right place to discuss this, even in Everything Else. This is a long way away from music. I thought it might be a bit of an imposition because this board isn't a table in the corner of a quiet pub. Not that there is anything cloak and dagger, just not the right place.

Official Secrets Act - everyone is covered by this. You don't sign it. What you sign is a declaration that states you have been made aware of it and what it means. And yes, I have signed that declaration.

I must admit I hadn't thought of this in terms of whistle-blowing or what have you, I honestly am coming from here: Files I recall the location of from years ago now seem pertinent to current investigations/inquiries. Whoever is carrying out the investigation/inquiries should look at them and assess whether or not there is anything in them. I would hope that these files are already part and parcel of the process however I do have doubts that they would be known/remembered/looked for. I not suggesting a malicious intent or sinister cover up (although I wouldn't totally discount that), I'm thinking along the lines of a genuine "We didn't know they were there". I think it's stuff that someone doing their job thoroughly and competently should check. To be clear about context this isn't some big revelation or Snowdenesque reveal. If it's anything at all it's a dusty old box of files somewhere that I'd bet £50 have been forgotten.

Equally I'm not sat here all the time thinking about it. Just that over the last 18 months or so as more and more events have come to light I seem to remember those files more often and me waffling on about my old life in Scottish thread made me think of them again. Which made me realise that it had been around 18 months I'd been wondering what if anything I should/could do without reaching any sort of decision.  That led to thought: Take it to the table....... Apologies if my attempt to stay vague meant it all sounded a bit dramatic. Nor am I trying to “big myself up” I was a fresh faced Estuary English Oik there to put paper away who, unfortunately, had a tendency to read too much.

Some of you have fairly pointed out that it's difficult to comment without knowing what I'm on about. I've thought hard about this and I don't believe I'm doing anything wrong talking about it or in saying that the files I remember relate to investigations into allegations of child abuse in care homes in the North and North West.

[Shush]

I do remember hearing on the News recently documents or files going missing from the past in relation to a long term investigation in Westminster. IF what you are talking about refers to that, then I can understand your frustration.

What to do about it, well. I suppose the worry is you may know things to be fact, but could now never prove it and find yourself not actually, but legally guilty of Slander.

Its a puzzler. I hope you find an agreeable way to rest your mind on the subject.

[ldopas]

Its simple Anna surely. If you know a wrong has been perpetrated, you have a duty to the victims to report it.

The big big big issue, is can you prove it?

[Anna Woman von NRW]

I hope you find an agreeable way to rest your mind on the subject.

Thanks - working on that one.

Its simple Anna surely. If you know a wrong has been perpetrated, you have a duty to the victims to report it.

The big big big issue, is can you prove it?

When you boil it down and put it like that. Yes it is simple really.

Proving it is not my duty - that's a responsibility to the victims that others have. My duty to them is simply to remember and stand up and say what I saw when I was 17.

[Anna Woman von NRW]

Took a bit of time for reflection and thought. Today I have done what I felt was the right thing to do. My conscience is now clear. Something or nothing? Who knows - that's not my call.

But that 25 year old Gremlin that's lived on my shoulder whispering when it's quiet has gone - thanks for your help guys

 

[Pol]

I hope all works out for you Anna on this.
Well done and I hope that your listened to.
Much respect  !

[ldopas]

Anna, has it gone because you have done something, or because you've managed to clear your conscience?

[Anna Woman von NRW]

Anna, has it gone because you have done something, or because you've managed to clear your conscience?

There's a question  Makes me think I'm back in the Counselling chair at Charing Cross again    And of course it's me so there ain't gonna be a quick and simple answer is there 

It's both of those things. Done something - yes I have and it has given a nice little dose of release whether what I've done has value or significance is irrelevant. Cleared conscience - Yes. In the far, deep background I've felt guilty about knowing this for 25 odd years. I don't anymore.

But the biggest reason it's gone is something else which I'll try and get across, bear with me if I don't get it quite right.

Growing up I went through the whole Scouts thing: Cubs, Scouts, Venture Scouts: all the way, every award, badge whatever. It was the best thing that could have happened to me. It instilled a sense of Duty to others. To do your best for other people. It's there in the scouts promise. And for me that's still a truth. Doesn't matter how trivial or important what you can do is, all that matters is that you do your Duty to other people. I guess another way of saying it might be "We are in this together".  All of that was reinforced by the world I grew up in with a strong self-reliant and supportive community. All this time I've not kept my promise to other people and that's whats gnawed away - I'd not done my duty. Sounds trite but I'm trying to encapsulate something a bit elusive.

Anyhow that's what really powered the flick that sent that ugly gibbering fucker spinning off my shoulder back to where it came from 

[Shush]

Anna, you may be asked to give details about this issue to a small and trusted bunch either before or after the Notts Xmas gig. All very intriguing

no tape recorders - promise