I like stories, here's one.
I have what I can only describe as Irritable Brain Syndrome which means that unless I'm asleep, off my tits or having one of those rare utterly enrapt moments I can never stop the bloody thing gibbering on in my head talking about no end of pointless utter shite Ha! It's kinda handy when you're bored at work, driving miles, washing up, cooking, putting washing away, hoovering, blah, blah, blah..........
Now my nonsense mental meanderings go all over the place – one minute I might be thinking about that next part of the book I'm writing in my head, the next about how do you actually land a spacecraft on a comet, then onto designing the next little bit of self-built Eco-House & Garden Estate I'm gonna build when I win the Lottery Big Time via being on Question Time with David Cameron. You get the picture? Just harmless crap flights of fancy really. It's nowhere near constant heart wrenching despairing stuff – I go everywhere!
Sometimes though, a bit more goes on somehow. And lately a couple of things have gone on in this latest cranial dose of the trots that's reminded me of just how Vicious the Brain can be if you let it. If you're not on your guard, if you were to let yourself be blinkered. I won't be so I just giggle when it says shit like this and flick that gremlin right off my shoulder. Usually this shit would end up in my black folder of self-pitying crap entitled Not Fit For Human Consumption – EVER but because out of all the endless tide of nonsense I spew out this one is music related and because I think it's quite funny I'm risking chucking it up here.(Note – severely edited from first draft) .
I think and I imagine.....sorry.
Ready for the real waffle shite !!!!!!
First Thing – Was watching a Laura Jane Grace interview where she said that one of things that inspired her was one night seeing a fan that she had clocked at gigs regularly over the years at a gig and realising that she was Transitioning. I just loved that as such a positive thing and felt really good then my brain started saying “ Wow, think about that she drew strength from someone she'd seen at gigs over again over the years, cool. “ All lovely so far right? But then without a pause the fucker carries on “Cool? Really? Maybe those Guys onstage with NMA have clocked YOU over the years and they've seen you change and they laugh at you” . What the ****? Where did that come from? Imagined scenarios end up with my favourite band laughing at me? Absolutely no rational reason for that, I don't know and can't talk for anyone but I really doubt that's true. There's your Brain being Vicious.
Next Thing – This one came just a few hours ago hoovering up the mud me and Cromwell left on the carpet from the fields and woods (Buy a Henry hoover – awesome, why do you think Builders use 'em?) I started a thread on the board earlier about Tim Moth. I'm really fucked off that I missed him onstage with NMA – see what I wrote in the Xmas Guest Musicians thread – but hey, me and passports are not good at the moment until I can get a certain certificate and in any case Nottingham was so ******* good as it is anything more would have been a bit greedy. So that's what |I'm thinking about while I'm cleaning up mud ok. So I go on to what's the next best thing? Maybe PatriceBru was there and got something (because her/his ?? vids are awesome x) then the J.R.R. Tolkien voice kicks in and we're off to fantasy land........ what if the Harp Chap himself posted a link to something he recorded (like I said I'm just pushing that hoover up and down right now) how cool would that be? After all according to him he's been into NMA since 18 years old, so what a result that would be a quality vid to stick in favourites. De-mob happy nonsense because I'm now done at work till 5th January right? Just nonsensical SHITE! Not to my ******* brain though. - no. Cos that has to pipe up with this – Yeah? Well obviously if that link was to be posted that would mean that Mr Moth had read your post which means he knows Anna Woman Of Kent wanted to know and remember how the other night you KNEW NMA were laughing at you well now they just told him and got him laughing too. Again how can something so nice be corrupted? Where the **** did my Brain dredge that load of poison up from? That's how Vicious your Brain can be
We are capable of telling ourselves so much nonsense if we choose to listen. So much shite that's not ******* true. And I believe NONE of what my brain tried to convince me of in those little stories and you shouldn't believe what stories you're brain tells you.
Like I said way back up there, I laugh at this shit now, I recognise it as what it is – just chiff chaff and none of these gremlins hang about for more than a second or two but I think that sometimes we could all do with hearing a understanding friendly voice reminding us not to listen to the internal Brain voice because it talks poison.
Everything I've said comes with love and reading that back now just before hitting post makes me think it might be my reply to a number of posts I've read on this board over the not so distant past.
x
