So... tell us a joke!

[Ghosttrain]

     ...

[Wessexy Witch]

Two wind turbines standing in a field.
One says to the other " so what kind of music are you into "
Other replies  " I'm a big metal fan "

 

love it !

[Johnz]

For those of you without Facebook:

Teacher: Ok Sally, what's your sentence with the word contagious in it?

Sally: Our neigbour is painting his house with a two inch brush and my dad says it will take the contagious.

[Wessexy Witch]

For those of you without Facebook:

Teacher: Ok Sally, what's your sentence with the word contagious in it?

Sally: Our neigbour is painting his house with a two inch brush and my dad says it will take the contagious.

 

yes !

[Master Ray]

I don't understand people anymore.

You donate a kidney, people think you're a legend, a true saint and lifesaver.  Just a wonderful human being.

You donate seven kidneys...well, then there's screaming, running, the police get involved... 

[Wessexy Witch]

I don't understand people anymore.

You donate a kidney, people think you're a legend, a true saint and lifesaver.  Just a wonderful human being.

You donate seven kidneys...well, then there's screaming, running, the police get involved... 

  Like that !

[Tarsier]

Dad-joke I read somewhere... :

- Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?
- What? No! How come?
- It runs in your jeans.

[Master Ray]

I was out digging a hole in a nearby field recently and I came across a bunch of coins, proper GOLD Roman coins, a stash that is probably worth many thousands of pounds!

I couldn't wait to go home and tell the missus!

And then I remembered why I was digging that hole.

[Master Ray]

A guy went into the dining room where his blonde girlfriend was sat at the table.

He said 'Hey, honey, what are you doing?'

She said 'I'm doing a jigsaw!  All by myself!'

He replies 'and what is your jigsaw of?'

She looks at the packaging and says 'It's a rooster!'

The guys sighs and says 'OK, honey... time to put the cornflakes back in the box...'

[Ghosttrain]

A barman watches a guy walk out of Doctors Surgery and straight in to his pub,

The guy says give me a pint of lager and a treble whiskey,

As the barman is pouring the drinks the guy says i should'nt be drinking this with what i've got,

The barman says why what have you got?

The guy says 10p.......

[Master Ray]

A wealthy 60-year-old man shows up at the country club with his new smoking hot 22- year-old wife.

His friends are amazed. “How did you convince her to marry you?” “It’s simple”, he said. “I lied about my age”.

“Did you tell her you’re 50?”, they reply. He shakes his head.

“40? There ́s no way she believed you!” He shakes his head again.

“How old did you tell her you were, then?”

He smiles and says, “85”.

[Shush]

With my now shite eye site, I first thought this was a new thread, the first post ending in five, then realized it was started 10 years ago. No matter, what's 10 years these days!!

A chap decided he wanted to become a Morris dancer. Went to the local meeting of his villages Morris dancers AGM, asked about joining, the company leader-- Roger said,
"Yes Sir, always looking for new members. Here is a questionnaire, please fill it in and we will review your compatibility"
So he filled it in, and handed it back to Roger.
"Thank you, I will just give a quid read through,, 
"Ah, I see your answer to question 7, you have been circumcised.
"Well yes, as a baby, but what difference does that make?
"I am sorry Sir, we only have complete pricks Morrice dancing"

A dum dum tish !!  

[Master Ray]

My girlfriend was somewhat angry when she caught me cross-dressing and said she wanted to break up.

OK, fair enough.  I packed up all her things and left.

[Master Ray]

Every time I introduce myself, people get mad.
I introduced myself to my teacher, and I got suspended.
I introduced myself to a pretty girl, and she told me to **** off.
I introduced myself to my neighbor, and he punched me.
Maybe there's somebody else named "Yorick Hunt" with a bad reputation out there.