how do you cope with the cruelty of humans?

[Amandistan]

When you know that humans are capable of such horrible things towards other human beings, how do you live knowing this?
In the past three weeks, I have seen this everyday very badly.
I never saw such cruelty in my life. Laughing at someone's appearance is cruel but I am not seeing horrible cruelty that harms people physically and could even result in death.  I don't understand some people's obsession with setting things on fire and such hatred and discrimination. The fact that kids do not have parents in a foreign country alone is one of the worst things ever. Also screaming at him and telling him he is not wanted simply because he was a foreign. Why would anyone join a fascist group and beat people who are not white?
Another thing that disturbs me is the fact that I am told every day that someone's family was killed. Why do people risk lives for money and not care who dies as long as they get money?

Early this morning  a woman in the squat hung herself when people were asleep. In the clothing closeta. She was Syrian with nice smile. She is gone forever. Her husband is not there and she could not leave Greece. This is why you can not shut borders. Because it results in people's deaths. Macadonia is responsible for for death. She had two small kids was always so kind. She would always make me tea and share what she had. I think we have contacted the UN about the kids as they are so small. They are trying to get the kids out of Greece but it is not okay. They have no parents.

Can anyone offer me advise how to cope with this? I get so distressed that I feel faint and very weak and that I will collapse.
I try wine, I try weed , valium. What next? It helps one moment and then it gets worse. Some days I want to take a break from feeling anything and just be on strong mediction. I can not make things okay but I am unable to stop myself from trying. It will be until my immuned system is gone and I potentially am in a hospital.  I have no idea why I posted this here. I talked to people about this each day and venting is supposed to make things feel better. It does not make things okay or  bring back orphan's dead parents or bring back people who commit suicide because they can not cross a border.

[cthulhu]

amanda, what you write and describe is horrible. what you describe can bring tears to eyes which only read your words and haven't even seen, experienced the reality which you encounter.
you ask for advice. i think you already know that no one can really help you with this and maybe you just want to share something, so that you don't feel so alone with it.
there is a certain naivity in your posts and i hope you can see this as an advise and not an insult. naivity means, you somehow ask stupid questions:

It's not a crime to be innocent, these things we have not done
But you're not some little child, spring is past and gone
Well I know my craving heart and I've seen your vicious eyes
And I think we know the truth, both you and I
Don't flutter your lashes like a little girl
And ask me why it's such a cruel, cruel world, no

you go to places which overwhelm you and than you feel small and sad. you always take so much on your shoulders, which are not your problems, or wrongdoings. young people do that, but young people should also don't feel as involved as you do.

if you feel that you cannot cope with this, then leave. i already told you something like that before. you put yourself in situations which are maybe to much to take for you.

find your way without wanting to solve all problems of teh world, before you don't feel safe in yourselves and get some more self-consciousness. you won't get that in extreme situations, like you are in. what about a holiday? experience travelling and watch the wonderful world and nature instead of silly, cruel human behaviour.
and if you must, think of it as an energy recovering for yourself, a battery recharge, and then go again to help, if you think you must.

be aware that all decisions are your own descicions and that other people have other descicions to make and that your way is not the only right way to deal with the world. people who sacrifice more than they can, become bitter and look down at other people who don't sacrifice that much.

everything is all the time
the beauty and the horror

don't look just at one side

[BlackCountryMaggiD]

I try wine, I try weed , valium.

Sorry about the shit you're seeing I really am, but earlier today on another thread on here you told me you were coping.
If the only way you're coping is by deadening your senses with booze, dope and anti-depressents  then it's time to admit it's not for you and walk.
Sending yourself crazy doing what you're doing now is doing the people you're trying to aid and yourself no good at all.

Sorry if this sounds hard but you can't go on like this and I believe you already know that!

[jackroadkill]

I try wine, I try weed , valium.

Sorry about the shit you're seeing I really am, but earlier today on another thread on here you told me you were coping.
If the only way you're coping is by deadening your senses with booze, dope and anti-depressents  then it's time to admit it's not for you and walk.
Sending yourself crazy doing what you're doing now is doing the people you're trying to aid and yourself no good at all.

Sorry if this sounds hard but you can't go on like this and I believe you already know that!

This.

[Pol]

Agreed with the last two posts , drugs and alcohol are never the answer.
I don't know the answer Amanda, I don't want to tell you to quit but you have been extremely brave and done more than 99.9% of people, nobody would blame you if you did walk away from this.
There is no way I could cope with what your doing.
If your looking for a answer from me go and do something different, where you can help but cope with the day to day demands

[Shush]

All of that makes very sad reading. I don't think anyone can doubt you have a good heart and want to do all you possibly can to help people but you are asking too much of yourself. Maybe its now time to save yourself. Perhaps go home hopefully sort yourself out, them maybe tell people there what is going on in Greece. Share the burden with others who may also want to something.  May even be a good local interest story with your local TV news or local papers.

[Coumarin]

Amanda, all sounds very familiar...

I was going down a spiral like you are now. Just move on...You are no use to anyone if youre a pissed, drugged up and psychotic mess. Even if you think you are.

Take some time off, see a little more of the world other than the insular capsule that seems to preoccupy your existence.

You seem to have no problem with travel......so just move on?

Martin

[Amandistan]

It is common for people to burn out and return. I can not detach and i know this. MY group saw it and used me to do it all. I did not want to admit it but am used.

I spent time with the woman who took her life. I can not speak arabic but felt some sort of connection. I used to play with her kids a lot. It is hard to see them as orphans. One could argue it was selfish but I do not know what trauma she has seen. I can not imagine the pain. The United Nations volunteers took the kids and are confident they will get asylum in western Europe fairly quickly. Maybe they can have an education and future now. 

My swiss friend funded this operation, now she seems to feel exactly like me. Like you are alive but then in a way not as it goes to sadness, tears and numbness. Then the immune system goes, the weed and wine dehydrate, then you are exhausted. I have not left yet and am considering two days a week until I feel better. I am taking a few days off as of Monday for myself. I am honestly not sure how long the squats will be around. They have began sending Pakistanis, North Africans and Afghanis back to Turkey. I am sure Iranians as well. All of these groups are in squat and I do not want them to be taken to Turkey. People who I know personally know. Maybe tomorrow I can change my mind. I may go to another group who is dependable.

While, I can do the travel thing well, i can not do the same with emotions. When I leave, i will constantly think about this a care.

[Coumarin]

Or Amanda.

Is this the only place on the internet that will listen to you?

[Coumarin]

You sound as if youre on speed to me Amanda

[witch]

Im feeling sorry for you Amanda
you cant load the world on your own shoulders ....its too much ...
Take good care if you need some help or support please feel free and send me a pm

I wish you lots of luck 
cheers witch

[Master Ray]

Amanda, my dear... the stuff you are taking onto your shoulders is obviously too much.  It sounds like you are self-medicating to a dangerous extent.  You admit that your emotions are out of control and sending you spiralling down.  Many people, who do the immensely admirable work that you do, cope with it because it soothes their souls when they think about the injustices of this world.  You seem to be going in the opposite direction.  Time to get out, luv.  Sorry to be so blunt. 

You have thrown yourself headfirst into the worst European crisis of the 21st century, one that is utterly unsolveable.  If this goes on, I can see it as an act of self-destruction from yourself that will help NOBODY.  I'd hate to see a time when you never post again and we're all wondering what happened to you.   

There are so many things you can do that will help the sad and desperate folks of this world in a gentler and more realistic environment.  But this EU thing... you obviously aren't coping and you're gonna drown.  I'd hate to see that happen.

Nobody here has any idea about how you 'cope with this'.  Please, be safe and look after yourself in the face of insurmountable odds.  You can't save the world.  Sad but true.

[Amandistan]

I know what Naive is.  I know very well the questions can't be answered. I am not on speed.
I have only tried Valium, weed and ecstasy while here. Not speed. It is not a stupid question as It is more emotional. I doubt the songs's writer would say it was stupid. This is not the only place anyone listens but I can only talk to people here.

Some people just left for a meeting in Thessaloniki and I must stay until they come back. My apartment is up in a week, I may go then. I must leave Athens or it will be impossible to separate. OR i may ignore advice and stay until the ned of the month. I will see how it all goes.

I know the crisis is massive. I will keep in contact with a few refugees I have befriended.

[Coumarin]

Why did you "try" valium? I was prescribed it for a bad back! My grandparents were prescribed it for a very different reason and they ate the pills like sweets.

I swallowed two tablets (2mg) I think, and I was zonked for 4 hours. It wasn't just sleep, it was 4 hours of life taken away. I Didn't remember a thing, not even a dream. Only waking cold and sweaty.

A colleague of mine swears by valium to gain sleep during flights...She can have it!

[ldopas]

You can't save the world.  Sad but true.

Completely true MR, and perhaps therein lies the problem?