Master Ray please let me talk to you here:
I was once 'restrained' by the cops: they had to get into my house for someone - they didn't need a warrant - long story short they simply restrained me.
Now I always thought I was a capable man. Able to protect my home and my children.
And these cops proved that that was folly.
They didn't hurt me but they showed me my own impotence. I was humiliated and afraid in knowing that I could not protect my children.
After this I was attacked twice in very close succession.
I'm sure that it was because I was giving 'afraid' signals.
I spoke with my brother about this - he is very military, authoritarian, conservative ex army - a man I respect and admire but we have differing views you know.
He told me that when this kind of thing happens - an invasion of the self - a belittling of the soul - then the army respects that the man needs counselling to revive himself. He spoke of his agreement with how the police behaved in getting the man they wanted but that they should have offered and given me counselling afterwards.
I agree with him. I was fucked up for a long long time after the cops showed me my powerlessness.
A hospital beating from street thugs must be much much worse.
At least you are talking to people here about it - that is good. Talk to me my friend, or talk to others. The scar can be healed.
Stay strong brother x
I can listen, without talking back, without giving pithy advice that you already thought of yourself - if you can, then please talk to me, or to someone.
Blessings my friend x