So... tell us a joke!

[Master Ray]

The movie studio who made 'Groundhog Day' should announce a sequel to that brilliant movie...

... and once people have bought their tickets and sat down, they should just show them the original movie...

[Master Ray]

A friend of mine, eager to teach me how to cook, bought me a book called 'Road Kill Recipes'.

Read it and tried it after finding some road kill the other day.  Delicious!

Not sure how to repair the bike, though...

[Anna Woman von NRW]

Sam Allardyce 

[Master Ray]

A teenager goes out for a Saturday evening...

'Hey Mum, what do you think of my mini-skirt?'

'Take that off, RIGHT NOW, and put some underwear on!'

'Why, Mum?'

'Because your bollocks are showing, Dave...'

[Wessexy Witch]

Ha !

 

[Master Ray]

And The Lord said unto John and said 'Come forth and you will receive eternal life...'

But John came fifth and just got a fuckin' toaster.

[Master Ray]

A beautiful woman walks into a bar and orders 'a double entendre...'

So the barman gives her one.

[Jonesy]

A teenager goes out for a Saturday evening...

'Hey Mum, what do you think of my mini-skirt?'

'Take that off, RIGHT NOW, and put some underwear on!'

'Why, Mum?'

'Because your bollocks are showing, Dave...'

I just laughed so hard at that one! Brilliant.

[Master Ray]

I recently saw two seven-year-olds fighting outside the school nearby to where I live.  Being the only adult around, I had to step in...

Poor little bastards, they didn't stand a chance...

 

[Master Ray]

Walking home after a girls’ night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee. The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that. The next day, the first woman’s husband phones the second woman’s husband, furious: “My wife came home last night without her panties!” “That’s nothing,” says the other. “Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, ‘From all of us at the fire station, we’ll never forget you.'”

 

[Master Ray]

OK, the Edinburgh Festival is supposed to be the absolute highpoint of UK comedy, a couple of hundred shows from the creme de la creme and the best of the best... and THIS is, according to several critically respected sources, the VERY best joke from the whole festival... hang onto your sides, guys, they may split...  you ready?

"I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change."

...pause...

....longer pause...

*crickets and tumbleweeds*

As The Joker said in The Dark Knight... 'Jeez, and I thought MY jokes were bad...'

[Stephanie]

THIS is, according to several critically respected sources, the VERY best joke from the whole festival... hang onto your sides, guys, they may split...  you ready?

"I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change."

That's the winner, huh? 

[Master Ray]

BUMP...

What's blind and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron...

(yup, I'm probably going to Hell for that one...)

[Wessexy Witch]

BUMP...

What's blind and screams?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron...

(yup, I'm probably going to Hell for that one...)

oooof! 

[Master Ray]

Today, my neighbour came at me really aggressively (I thought she was going to hit me, she looked so mad!), screaming about if I knew anything about her underwear disappearing from her clothes line.

Honestly, I nearly shit her pants.