I tried valium so I could sleep and not think. It did not put me to sleep but relaxed.
And when you need one every night just to cope? What about two or three, possibly with a glass or two of wine? Oh, the wine ain't working, what about a bit of brandy? Etc....
It's a slippery slope, I know that for a fact.
You're a grown woman, I'm not gonna dictate to you about what you should or not do. Just offer you advice from my decades of experience and what I've seen in others.
I feel like your posts here are going a bit Groundhog Day. If I can be so bold as to appropriate NMA lyrics for my own expression...
I put my hands into the roaring flames
I felt the pain as it started to burn
I've done the same thing over again and again
As if I never ever wanted to learnAnd, if I can slightly alter another NMA lyric....
You're never gonna save the world if you can't save yourself...
Take some time out. Regroup your thoughts and recharge. See how you feel after a few months.